Adam Sandler Lyrics

Album: They're All Gonna Laugh At You

The Buffoon and The Dean of Admissions Lyrics

"And now a buffoon's meeting with the dean of admissions at a prestigious college."

 

 [Dean:] "Well Michael, I would like to extend my warmest congradulations 

 on your upcoming graduation and I understand 

 you are interested in matriculating here in the fall."

 

 [Buffoon:] "I got a snake, man!"

 

 [Dean:] "Yes, pets are welcome here on campus. 

 Be it the traditional dog, or cat, or even the occasional reptile."

 

 [Buffoon:] "One time I fed it some beer man! It was slithering this way and that! 

 It was all fucked up!"

 

 [Dean:] "I'm sure it was. 

 Well we discourage inappropriate drinking among both students 

 and pets here on campus."

 

 [Buffoon:] "Fuckin' Shit!"

 

 [Dean:] "Yes, that's a not uncommon reaction to this policy. 

 So tell me a little bit more about your background."

 

 [Buffoon:] "My father's a fucking asshole, man!"

 

 [Dean:] "Hmm, I see. Your feelings of rebelion are not unusual at your age son."

 

 [Buffoon:] "My mother's a piece of shit too!"

 

 [Dean:] "Well, I hope you can find an outlet for your hostility 

 over the summer so you can come to school in the fall relaxed 

 and ready to learn."

 

 [Buffoon:] "My teacher in high school was a stupid bitch, man! 

 She had her head way up her ass!"

 

 [Dean:] "Well the quality of the faculty at a University 

 such as ours far exceeds that of a local public high school."

 

 [Buffoon:] "Your secretary's a real fat bitch, man!"

 

 [Dean:] "Yes, she's tried many diets over the years with minimal success."

 

 [Buffoon:] "I had diarhea last month. I had to shit all fucking day!"

 

 [Dean:] "Uh huh, Well we all get the occasional stomach bug, 

 never a pleasurable experience. 

 So have you given any thought to your choice of major?"

 

 [Buffoon:] "I've got a big fucking boner right now."

 

 [Dean:] "I see. Well sexual arrousal is not uncommon during periods 

 of nervous tension. I do not take offense."

 

 [Buffoon:] "One time I ate my neighbors shit!"

 

 [Dean:] "That's understandable. Well, I enjoyed meeting you. 

 We'll be sending you our decision by the end of the month."

 

 [Buffoon:] "I bet you got really hairy balls."

 

 [Dean:] "Yes, it's a veritable forest down there. Bye bye."