Adam Sandler Lyrics

Album: They're All Gonna Laugh At You

The Buffoon and the Valedictorian Lyrics

"And now the buffoon's date at the drive-in with the school's valedictorian."

 

 [Valedictorian:] "I really appreciate you're asking me out. 

 Most people are intimidated by my high academic achievement."

 

 [Buffoon:] "This movie sucks shit!"

 

 [Valedictorian:] "Well, Ebel gave it thumbs up, 

 but Ciscel thought it was too preachy. 

 Anyway, I enjoyed the director's last film immensly."

 

 [Buffoon:] "Cathleen Turner has big fuckin' tits!"

 

 [Valedictorian:] "Yes, well, she recently had a child. 

 I think her maternal biology may play a role in that. 

 She looks fabulous for a woman her age, doesn't she?"

 

 [Buffoon:] "I put a firecracker in a bullfrog's mouth and blew his fuckin' head off."

 

 [Valedictorian:] "Well, in psychology we learned that it is not uncommon 

 for male adolescents to commit savage acts on animals as part of their maturing process."

 

 [Buffoon:] "That girl in the fucking car in front of us, she gives everybody head."

 

 [Valedictorian:] "Well, I guess she's strong for attention and she feels promiscuity is the only way to obtain it."

 

 [Buffoon eating popcorn]

 [Buffoon:] "This popcorn's fuckin' terrible. It tastes like someone jizzed all over it."

 [Buffoon continues to eat popcorn]

 

 [Valedictorian:] "Well the amount of semen on this popcorn is certainly disturbing. 

 Perhaps the staff in the refreshment stand was overcome 

 by the monotony of their work and decided to play a childish prank."

 

 [Buffoon:] "I looked at my asshole in the mirror today. It blew my fuckin' mind!"

 

 [Valedictorian:] "It's ironic that parts of one's body seems odd 

 and unusual because you don't see them on a day to day basis.

 

 [Buffoon:] "My father's shit stinks up the bathroom all fuckin' day!"

 

 [Valedictorian:] "It's puzzling why one person's fecal odor can be more overpowering than another's. 

 I wonder whether it is a function of the food digested or that person's internal metabolism."

 

 [Buffoon:] "I'm gonna go get head from that fuckin' girl."

 [Gets out of the car]

 

 [Valedictorian:] "Well, I'm sorry to see the date come to such an abrubt conclusion."

 [Buffoon walking away]

 "I do appreciate the time you spent with me and look forward to a future rondevue."

 

 [Buffoon:] "I like to piss in that guy's fuckin' gas tank!"

 

 [Valedictorian:] "Bye bye! Have fun."

 [Buffoon continues to walk away]