Bloodhound Gang Lyrics

Album: Unknown

A Lap Dance is So Much Better when the Stripper is Cryin Lyrics

I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert that night I

strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love. It had been a

while. In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went since that

midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10. I had picked up this

hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and

one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops. Well, that night I lost myself to

ruby red lips, milky white skin and baby blue eyes. Name was Russell.

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well I find it's quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave", this pretty little thing come

up to me and starts kneadin' my balls like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.

Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin', ‘cause

I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer". Well she smiled, had

about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern, and I went on to tell her how I would

wear her face like a mask as I do my little kooky dance. And then she

told me to shush. I guess she could sense my desperation. ‘Course, it's hard to

hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well I find it's quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true. So I

says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ is jackhammering

Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth

to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on

Santa Claus's tummy-tum?" Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars

later I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean. Got

to nail her back at her trailer. Heh. That rhymes. I have to admit it was even

more of a turn-on when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby

formula.

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well I find it's quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch, gave the tranny a spin and slid

on into The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.

There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb", when I saw Bambi

starin' at me from the back of a milk carton. Well, my heart just dropped.

So, I decided to do what any good Christian would. You can not imagine how

difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice and polish the

one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler. I never

thought missing children could be so sexy. Did I say that out loud?

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well I find it's quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'